The System

Kris and I are finishing up our classes to become certified to adopt. We have a total of 9 hours left before we can start our home study, even though we have decided to take a few months before we do so. Kris and I have leased the same two bedroom condo for three years now, and have decided that we want to start our new life with our family in a house with a yard. We also realized that where our life is simple with one car right now, once our child comes in to our lives, two cars might be better. Plus we need a new computer and want new furniture as well. We decided to take a couple of months after our lease is up to stay with my mom so we can buy the things we need/want and put a few grand aside for emergencies and all of the costs that come along with having children. Then on to our home study!

Today we met the son of our PRIDE instructor. He was 13 when he was adopted. Throughout our classes we've heard so many stories of the hard and rewarding aspects of adopting an older child. As my readers (and friends and family) know, I am an honest person. I will tell you exactly what I feel, what I believe to be right and wrong, and pretty much whatever is on my mind, which is why I'm about to be super honest with you right now. I'm scared to think about the violence that might be brought in to our house after adopting. For all I know, there won't be a violent bone in my child's body, but the children who are being adopted through the foster system have all been through hell and back, and have survived to re-live the tale over and over again in their heads. I understand why children in the system have violent tendencies. For a lot of them, that is all they ever knew. To them, seeing a happy family smiling and laughing is weird. My fear about violence isn't, "Will I get hurt?" Let's be honest, this is parenthood. Of course you'll get hurt. My fear is that if my child has violent tendencies, which  we will work diligently to heal if that is the case, is that my friends and family might not want him around. What if my best friend thinks he's a bad influence for her son? Or if my sister-in-law is afraid to babysit him? What if my family ostracizes him? My family and friends are awesome, and I don't think they would intentionally do these things, but it's hard not to wonder. Our instructor's son used to corner her and punch holes in the wall right next to her face. He's 25 now, married and with his first child on the way. Today when he talked to us he explained that that violence was his normal growing up. He never once saw a loving and stable relationship. Plus he wasn't sure about the permanency of his adoption. He tested it, which is to be expected. When he realized that his mom wasn't go to kick him out and on to another foster family or group home, he realized that this was HIS family. The way he talked about his mom made it VERY clear that he loves her with all of his heart, and it hurts him that he put her through that. I really hope that my child will feel the same way about me.

I want to end this post on a positive note, though. When I finally realized that I wouldn't be able to give birth I realized that my name would never be on a birth certificate. It broke my heart for a long while, but today we found out that after our adoption is finalized our child will be issued a fresh new birth certificate with our names on it for parents. How cool is that?!?

Ever Wonder What Infertility Feels Like?

Why Are We Doing This?

Please take 15 minutes to watch what our children go through before they are put in foster care and what happens after. 

I know we're just embarking on what will be a rough and long journey, but it is going to be SO rewarding.

Overcoming My Fears...

Are you sure you know what you're getting in to?

This seemingly harmless and usually genuine question can get many reactions from me. When Kris and I first told people that we were adopting, everyone assumed we meant an infant, but that's not our plan at all. We got more positive and uplifting reactions from family and friends then then negative, but a lot of people have preconceived notions of what a foster child is. I mean, who can blame them? We all grew up watching "The Problem Child" and we've all seen horror stories on the news, but the fact is that these aren't the norm.

First it's important to realize that these behaviors that are so looked down upon are normal for children that are in foster care. These children are in foster care because they've been abused or neglected. As their parent it is my job to take those behaviors and give a supportive place to help those children grow. Knowing that my son or daughter was potentially abused or neglected breaks my heart. It solidifies my resolve that we are doing the right thing. During our last class I slipped my husband a little note telling him how I felt and his response was beautiful; "It just means that we will have to give them everything we can to make their life better." And we will.

Trust me when I tell you that you don't go in to this without fears. I have a huge fear about the safety of our animals. Kris and I love our fur babies with all of our hearts. They helped fill a void in our childless life in the first four years of our marriage, and they will continue to be extremely important in our life after parenthood. The idea that they would be hurt is inconceivable to me. Luckily Kris and I are going through extensive training with an amazing woman, Stephanie Adams from CBC Central Florida, and she is preparing us on how to deal with these situations, and for this I am forever grateful. 

I'm not going to lie to you guys, I'm scared. We're about to enter parenthood, but luckily for us it is by choice and we get to experience it in a unique way that most people aren't lucky enough to experience. Even though I'm scared, I am so unbelievably excited. I am so in love with a child I've never met, a child who is looking at the same moon I'm looking at right now. A child who deserves the world but has been given grief up until this point in their life. We can't wait to make the world a little bit happier. 

So yes, we know what we're getting in to. We're getting in to a family. Something unbreakable and magnificent. We're getting in to PTA meetings and field trips. We're getting in to family vacations to the beach or national parks. We're getting in to smiles and laughter and love. We're getting in to parenthood.

Kris and I are currently trying to raise money to help pay for the various expenses that are accrued from adopting, such as new furniture, clothes, matching events, and legal fees. If you have a moment and would mind taking a peek at our GoFundMe page, we would really appreciate it! Thanks! XOXO

Our First PRIDE Class!

Today Kris and I officially started the PRIDE (Parents' Resources for Information Development Education) classes that are required to adopt in our county. Today was orientation, the first part of an eleven week course intended to make you aware of the commitment you're making when you adopt out of the foster system. This isn't a new born or a toddler who you mold, this is a young human who has gone through trauma. It's so important to remember that it isn't about you as an adoptive parent, it's about the child. Why does s/he need? Where will s/he feel the most comfortable to grow and heal? 

Today was made extra special by some really special people- remember the best friend who got pregnant on her honeymoon from my first post? Her and her beautiful family are in town after the moved over a thousand miles away. I got to spend part of last night and most of the day with them. Let me tell you, this is the sweetest little man in the world. He has stolen my heart. Today reminded me of the day Rebecca told us she was pregnant. It was just about this time of the year, we barbecued and laughed and cried. Just like today. It just seemed to special to me to have them here for my moment. 

Spending time with the babe really reinforced our choice to adopt. This little man is so lucky to have a Mommy and Daddy who love him more than anything, then there is our future child, who is probably sitting in a group home right now wondering why they don't have parents, just like Kris and I wonder why we don't have kids. 

This child will help us heal just as much as we will help them heal. Nothing will get in our way of doing this. Nothing will stop me from finding my child and loving them. Thank all of you again for taking this journey with me. Please feel free to ask any questions or just voice your opinion! 

Things NOT to say to an Infertile Woman...

Wanna know what really pushes my buttons? When fertile women/men/couples say things to you that are just insensitive to your situation. And the worst part? Most of the time they don't even realize they are doing it. I'm going to start a list of Things NOT to say to an Infertile Woman. Please add yours in the comments!

MY FAVORITE:
**I was infertile too, once.**
-Trying is the best part!
-If it's in God's plans it will happen. (please remember that not all of us are religious, and even if we were, it's not your place to tell us what God's plan is.)
-You're young, it'll happen eventually. (I may be "young" but my husband and I have been married almost five years, all of which we were unsuccessful at conceiving.)
-Go on vacation! 
-Just Relax, once you relax it'll happen. 
-Ugh, be glad you're not pregnant! I hated dealing with the morning sickness!
-Have you tried a different position? (We already have to go through the humiliation of invasive doctor's appointments, we don't need to tell you the details of our sex life. Unless you're in to that- in which case, Get it Tiger!)

Now on to Things You Should Say to an Infertile Woman!

-What can I do for you?
-I've done a little research, can I ask you a few questions?
-I support any choice you make in regards to your body.

Keep on adding to the list! Let's see how long we can make it!

Well, I am a bit crazy...